I know I haven’t posted in a while but I’ve been having a bit of trouble at home. Remember when I told you about my ex? Well I told my social worker an I’m gonna get help, its like a huge weights been lifted of my chest. It really does help to tell someone!xxx

I had a great childhood and grew up living with my sister and my mum. When i was like 4 my mum got with Matty and i grew up calling him dad. When i was 12 my mum cheated on him and as a result they split up, this hurt me as much as to me he was my dad. They remained friends and even though she had a new boyfriend he would still come round. None of my family know this so I can’t talk about it but for 3 months before my mum died she was doing cocaine, even on my little sisters birthday. My mum died in a car crash, of which the car was being driven by Matty, 5 days before my 13th birthday. When my nan told me I couldn’t believe it.. I used to cry myself to sleep for months telling myself that it was a joke and that she had just gone on holiday. I stopped kidding myself after around 6 months. 
Since then I’ve always been depressed and have always thought about suicide and well i’m not gonna lie i did start cutting because the girl i liked did it. Crazy I know! But then i started to depend on it. I started hiding my cuts and hiding myself more.
I would separate myself from my friends and cut, even in school. I hate commitment, I find it hard to commit to someone.. After knowing Matt for 9 months I thought I was in love with him and when he asked me out I was so happy. After a month or so i cheated on him, and then we split up. I hadn’t cried that much in years.. Losing him made me realize that i wanted him and no one else. We carried on talking and met up a few times but everytime we’d have cuddles it’d always lead to more. I do miss him a lot but I am now so much happier without him. <3

So I haven’t cut in a while now, I’m rather proud of myself:) I hope you’re all doing okay. I have been really good ad haven’t binged or anything also in at least 2 weeks. I’m quitting smoking again though:3 
So i haven’t posted much lately, mainly cause I have been grounded but also because i was busy with my ex-_- ha.
Love you guys<3